youknowyourebritishwhen

youknowyourebritishwhen:

I don’t know if anyone’s ever looked up their town on Trip Advisor but when you do it comes up with a list of top 20 things to do in your area. I’ve decided you can judge how exciting your area is based on what results come up.

So, one of the top 20 attractions in Chesterfield is apparently Mecca Bingo (damn, we’re classy, 10/10, must visit). So if you’re bored enough to look it up, do you have anything just as exciting near you?

doctor-mambo

a guide to uk cities for foreign people

  • manchester: gays. you will probably get mugged.
  • liverpool: like manchester, but less gay. you will definitely get mugged.
  • newcastle: probably quite good for canadians as exists in permafrost and has never left the 90s.
  • leeds: it's a lot cheaper than london
  • bradford: leeds but awful
  • nottingham: gun death capital of the uk!
  • sunderland: intense rivalry with Newcastle, literally no one else in the country or world gives any fucks about them. Good luck finding someone with teeth. Poster child for World War III
  • york: this is an illustration from the top of a christmas biscuit assortment
  • birmingham: NO.
  • portsmouth: there is literally nothing here.
  • southampton: exactly the same as portsmouth but smells of off milk
  • bristol: you have a 1 in 10 chance of ending up in a bbc recording. everyone sounds like a farmer or bob marley.
  • cardiff: you have a 1 in 5 chance of ending up in a bbc recording, and a 1 in 3 chance of being glassed.
  • plymouth: post apocalyptic wind tunnel full of drunk sailors pissing on depressed hookers. do not enter.
  • london: no one from london is actually from london and even breathing is expensive.
  • cambridge: windy and full of equal amounts of homeless drug addicts and public schoolboys. the junkies are nicer.
  • oxford: same number of cunts as cambridge but easier to escape from due to all-night bus to london
  • edinburgh: a goth turned into a city. basically london but slightly more scottish.
  • glasgow: it is impossible to tell whether people are angry or happy.
  • aberdeen: las vegas at the point when vegas starts crying uncontrollably
  • belfast: do not order "an irish car bomb" OR "a black and tan" here.
  • wolverhampton: really, really don't.
  • norwich: count people's fingers. mutations walk here.